For Marlene, Who is Allergic to Pepper.

Oh, please, please, don’t sit by me, Marlene,
Although of your company I’m keen.
I had a wee disaster,
And it happened so much faster than
I could stop it, alas I’m no Paula Deen.

Marlene, Marlene, please don’t fret,
If by your side I refuse to set.
You’ll understand in a second,
why I do not beckon,
for us to sit tete a tete.

Marlene, trust me, my pet.
You’re safe no where near me, I bet.
I’m more lethal, Marlene.
Than arsenic or gasoline.
And for that I deeply regret.

I was tossing a salad for deux,
When suddenly, mon Dieu!
My peppermill burst wide –
Shooting out what’s inside
onto me, which stuck like glue.

Oh, please don’t sit next to me, Marlene.
My Dear Friend, you won’t be amused.
In my nostrils and hair,
In the very air,
With this substance I’m thoroughly suffused.

Oh, Marlene, flop next to Roz or Linnie B.
Jed or Bill, I’m beggin’, down on one knee,
Or else you’ll be itchin’
And that’s not what I’m wishin’,
That’s the truth, don’t you agree?